Issue 23.02

It’s Friday Night and the Weekend’s Here, I need to Unwind, Where’s the Profit, Mr. DJ?

DJ Sol, also known by his professional name David Solomon, has continued to weather criticism from within the partnership class of Goldman Sachs for muted performance and blasting music on the weekends. Are the partners ready to sing “bye bye Mr DJ Sol Pie?”

Can You Smell what the Rock is Distilling?

Dwayne Johnson has completed another square on his Hollywood Bingo Card by creating his own Tequila Brand; Teremana Tequila Here’s a brief Rundown:

• Rampage: sales were Fast and Furious, selling 1 Million cases in the first year

• Gameplan: Rock claims he does not want to ‘exit’ like George Clooney did, but grow long-term

• Longshot: Wants to turn Teremana into a truly Global Brand

• Other Guys: This is a crowded space that includes George Clooney (Casamigos), Nick Jonas (Villa One), Backstreet Boys (Unknown), AC/DC (Thunderstruck) and like 100 other celebs.

Bud Light now Identifies as the number 2 selling brand in America

In May, Bud Light was officially dethroned as the top selling beer in America. If you've tried it you may be asking why it was number one in the first place... More surprisingly the new King of light Beer is Modelo. This shift is largely driven by popularity with Hispanic consumers and increasingly white consumers.

Sales reps for Bud Light continue to struggle personally and financially as consumers are 'giving them the finger and making jokes'. Some stores have even resorted to giving the beer away for free in an attempt to shed inventory.

If you can read this tow me to the dealership

Stellantis (who owns Fiat, who owns Jeep, who owns the hearts of bros everywhere..) announced they are recalling 332,000 jeeps reflecting a production period from December of 2020 through May of 2023. The culprit of the recall is misaligned rear coil springs that can detatch from the vehicle while driving. It's a Jeep thing, you wouldn't understand… unless you've owned one in which case you understand all too well

In the words of Freddy Mercury, "I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike…"

Peloton bikes are issuing a recall of the seat post of their popular subscription based bike. An equipment failure at the seat post can result in the bike seat disconnecting during riding, thus far there have been 35 breaks and 13 minor injuries. However, customers are frustrated by Peloton's unwillingness to suspend or credit back subscription payment while they await replacement parts.

^{The look of fear Peloton riders and Jeep owners wear every time they get ready for a ride}

Today I Learned (TIL)

Trivia: Are There more golf courses or McDonald’s in the United States?

Did you say McDonald's? If so, to quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman that was a "big McStake, huge!" That's right, there are an estimated 13,500 McDonalds locations in the United States versus nearly 15,500 golf courses. Something to think about next time you hit the links or eat McDonalds sausage links…