Issue 23.01

Does Jeffy B smoke weed with Johnny Hopkins? Did him and Elon just become best friends?

Jeff Bezos has recently added $9 to his net worth in a never ending quest to be the richest man alive. He accomplished this by buying a share of Amazon stock at $114.77 and letting it appreciate- the odd wrinkle was he reported this to the SEC at 4:20 PM EST while also reporting a separate charitable donation of 69,000 shares.

Elizabeth Holmes should’ve used her one phone call on Anderseen Horowitz

After losing millions of dollars, racking up lawsuits, not paying his bills and feeling “very sorry” about it, Munjah Shah channeled his inner Bernie Sanders to ‘once again ask for financial support’ raising $50M for his NEW startup; Hippocratic AI. Maybe I should add the abbreviation AI to my next company name..

Teenagers Drowning in Lifeguard Jobs After Floundering to Land Internships

Teens are decreasingly looking for summer work, but the diligent are finding formal internships tough to land and traditional summer jobs (restaurant work, lifeguarding, et cetera) hiring aggressively and raising wages.

I’ll tell you what, you can get a good look at a butcher’s ass by sticking your head up there, but wouldn’t you rather take his word for it?

George Soros has officially elected an heir to his sprawling empire and political puppetry. In an unexpected move, his 37 year old son Alex will be taking over. He described himself as “more political” than his father, though he made no mention of his financial knowledge or trading acumen.